What you need to know about me is that i always mess it up.
I seem to be a hurricane, but really i am just the silence before the winds come.
half the time storms excite me, make me feel alive, make me dance, but the rest of the time i am too scared and i can't breathe and the world is too small and too big and everything is going to burn.
People tell me to sit still and breathe slowly and keep my veins beneath my skin, but i can't.
i apologise all the time because i am always doing something wrong. it is an apology in advance, so i can get it out before the words tie my throat shut with ink.
Other people can draw cute elephants and be happy and write songs, but all i can do is write about dead people.
these words are not good.
   they are not elegant.
my handwriting is messy and i can only write when other people don't want me to,
that's another apology.
Sometimes i want to call you but all the voice mails would be me begging you to help me breathe before the air disappears.
the tv is broken by static and no one can hear the queen's annual message.
here, the Queen is a spider web of dark and polish and hooks and curtains and blurry drawings and forgotten chimneys.