My nails are yellowing
And my skin is sagging
At 16 I already look like I’m dying
I’m only 16, why do I look like I’m dying
I’d tell you it’s not fair
But I’m the one who built my life to be like this
Like a supernova
A dead star that no one on earth can see for years
Sometimes centuries
I’ve built my life so I won’t be recognized until years later
But I’m not dying for the recognition.
Like Van Gogh
I’m dying because the no matter the meaning I create
I can’t feel it anymore
He would eat yellow paint to feel sunshine on the inside
And I’ll swallow fire to feel something warm
I’m tired
I’m tired of people pretending any of this is beautiful
What I’m feeling is the furthest thing from beautiful
I’m tired of it raining while the sun’s out
I’m tired of people asking me how am and not waiting around for the answer
So I’m telling you right now
I haven’t been good in awhile
Thanks for asking.