I have so many things I want to tell you. I want you to know that I still love you with everything I have. I also want you to know I miss you so much it makes me sick. it's been so hard without you. I would say anything to make you love me again. but I know you don't care about me anymore so it's useless. I still feel you pulsing through my veins so I tear my skin open most nights to get you out. my body is littered with cuts of your remnants, but that's okay. you have made me so numb. I can't move on and I can't love anybody else because they aren't you. I will die alone just because I feel you are the only one for me. I wish you could read all my poems, cause every single one of them is about you. I really just want you to know that I am lost and cold and bitter and broken and screaming on the inside without you. I just wish I knew how to live without you. cause what I'm doing right now is not living. do you remember all the good times we had? talking on the phone at 5 am with no intention of going to bed soon. listening to the best music in your car with the volume all the way up. when you traced my veins with your fingertips and I felt fireworks go off inside of me. I miss your eyes. they read me like a book, but I guess you didn't like reading. your eyes, along with your arms were home to me. I could look in your eyes and know that I had a place in this world, and knew that it was with you. and they were so beautiful. they were my favorite color. I miss the energy your skin gave off. when I was near you, I automatically smiled, like how your hair stands when lightening strikes nearby. I miss your hands. some nights, I wake up cause I swear I felt them on the small of my back again. my hand in yours was one of my favorite feelings. but I just miss you in general. you were my best friend. when you left me, I was completely alone. I was to used to turning towards you when I was alone, scared, sad, angry, happy or just wanted to talk. I was used to the "good morning babe" and "goodnight angel" texts. I was used to you calling me cute names. I lost so much when I lost you. you ruined my life. and what ***** me up the most is that you have no clue, and if you did, you wouldn't care at all. to you, I guess I was just another girl; just another doll to collect and add onto your shelf. but you were the most perfect guy in the world. do you realize I look for you in every single guy I talk to now? I can't get rid of you. everything reminds me of you and I hate it. I'm not sure if I hate you or love you or a combination of both. you confuse me. but honestly, I hope you are completely happy. even though you ruined me, you are so amazing and beautiful and you deserve the best. better than me. I guess I deserved you to leave me. whatever. I don't even know. all I know is that I love you and miss you and I want to fix whatever happened and I want to hear you tell me that you love me again. because I love you so much and that will never change.