Sweet, kind, bubbly
These are words I’ve heard to describe me
But I always blush when they come

I say it’s because I’m shy
And I’m not used to hearing them
But, to be honest,
It’s because I know they aren’t true

I always say thanks
And try to brush them off,
But it still hurts to know
That they’re believing lies

I’m a mess
And I always will be
One wrong move away from breaking
Yet people still stay

I do everything I can
To swiftly pull away
Leave before I can find hope that something will last

Because happy things don’t stay for me
And people always leave
They stay until I think I’m safe
Then watch me cry alone

I hate the way I feel,
Like I can never see the sun
It’s a heavy crushing feeling
To not be good enough for anyone

I want to close my eyes
And just give up the fight
But the shred of hope that lingers
Forces me to stay alive

I hate that hope,
It keeps me from being at peace
I know that I don’t deserve love
So why won’t it let me be?
I can try all I want
To be good for you
To be what you want
To be what you’d love

But I can’t
I can’t be what you want because it’s impossible
I’m too disgusting
Too broken
Too fat
Too lost

You’d never be happy with me
You just don’t see that
You think you want me
You’re deceiving yourself

That’s why I’m leaving
Not even taking a chance
I want to be safe
I don’t want another piece of my heart to disappear when you leave

Which you will,
It’s inevitable
Don’t tell me it’s not
You’re beautiful sweet and kind
I’m just a mess

Leave me alone
To drown in my hate
Because if you try and stay
I just might completely break

I’m standing at the edge,
Contemplating life’s miseries
And I realize,
All of this stems from a single misplaced compliment