what do you write
when you have no idea
what exactly it is you feel
but anxiety and nerves
and inadequacy.

My life has been spent
wondering if the way
I feel is actually okay
or if i'm just entirely delusional.

All I ever need is some effort
and affirmation
but it seems that
it must be too hard for people
so as I sit alone
no one to confide in
I wonder why I'm always
second best to those I put first.

Sorry for sounding redundant
but it seems everything I write
somehow sounds exactly the same.
So maybe, for the sake
of deja vu
I should just quite this too.

Not many things make me happy anymore
not even the curve of your lips
when you smile
because what good is all of that
if you don't even plan time
for me in your busy schedule.

I am a victim of my own self pity
and I have felt sorry for myself all my life.
But I'm sorry, I don't know how to change me.
I wish I could.
Goodnight.