Mar 2014
journal entry #1
i'm trapped in a world that is measured with numbers and it feels like i'm a discalculic. it's like i'm running in circles, being chased by the minute hand but no matter how hard i try, the seconds are ticking away and colliding with me every time.
- journal entry #2
i sat on the beach collecting handfuls of sand. the occasional stone rests in my palm as the small grains fall between my fingers. i discard them into the sea and count each wave. for every ten waves, i discover a shell instead of a stone. i don't throw those, though. i count the amount of ridges on each shell. i count the amount of waves before i feel bored. i count the amount of time it takes for the sand to sieve through my fingers.
- journal entry #3
i went out today. i had to leave at a certain time to get the right numbered bus and make sure i had the correct change to get to my destination. i ate three meals, and three snacks. i swallowed after every twenty chews. i spent half an hour measuring every part of my body and i stepped on the scales like i was on a ******* treadmill. these numbers are aggravating me. my breathing increased by fifty percent and i had two panic attacks in the space of six minutes.
- journal entry #4
i ran a bath and shaved my legs but only got one half done before the urges became too strong so i took apart the razor and used one of the three blades to carve one hundred lines in my skin. i shoved seventy four painkillers down my throat with three shots of *****.
- journal entry #5478652546452351516516513216*
i got tired of counting. i got tired of time and numbers and not being able to understand anything any more. i laid on the grass and stared at the sky and just admired the view instead of counting each and every ******* star in the sky. the stars remind me of your eyes. i still know how many days it's been since i last saw those eyes. seventy four. the same amount of painkillers because your eyes **** the pain i have in my soul. the last thing i'll ever count is this breath, which i'm dedicating to you.
/evjs
i'm trapped in a world that is measured with numbers and it feels like i'm a discalculic. it's like i'm running in circles, being chased by the minute hand but no matter how hard i try, the seconds are ticking away and colliding with me every time.
- journal entry #2
i sat on the beach collecting handfuls of sand. the occasional stone rests in my palm as the small grains fall between my fingers. i discard them into the sea and count each wave. for every ten waves, i discover a shell instead of a stone. i don't throw those, though. i count the amount of ridges on each shell. i count the amount of waves before i feel bored. i count the amount of time it takes for the sand to sieve through my fingers.
- journal entry #3
i went out today. i had to leave at a certain time to get the right numbered bus and make sure i had the correct change to get to my destination. i ate three meals, and three snacks. i swallowed after every twenty chews. i spent half an hour measuring every part of my body and i stepped on the scales like i was on a ******* treadmill. these numbers are aggravating me. my breathing increased by fifty percent and i had two panic attacks in the space of six minutes.
- journal entry #4
i ran a bath and shaved my legs but only got one half done before the urges became too strong so i took apart the razor and used one of the three blades to carve one hundred lines in my skin. i shoved seventy four painkillers down my throat with three shots of *****.
- journal entry #5478652546452351516516513216*
i got tired of counting. i got tired of time and numbers and not being able to understand anything any more. i laid on the grass and stared at the sky and just admired the view instead of counting each and every ******* star in the sky. the stars remind me of your eyes. i still know how many days it's been since i last saw those eyes. seventy four. the same amount of painkillers because your eyes **** the pain i have in my soul. the last thing i'll ever count is this breath, which i'm dedicating to you.
/evjs
