I sit here & can't help but wish I had a "conventional" family.. Where my parents were both good people with good jobs with love in their hearts towards each other & their kids.. Where they both gave loving advice, where they both cared, where they both were "normal."

I'm sickened to admit this.. I'm ashamed to feel this. For the first time, these thoughts are rummaging through my mind & I can't help the overwhelming sadness that comes with them.

My mother has always supported us, always loved us, protected us, guided us. My dad? Nothing of the sort.

There's so much to this.. So much to write, so much to type, so much to think, & my brain hurts & my heart's heavy & right now, no matter how hard I try to get the words out, my feelings aren't flowing into words properly. It's times like these that bad things happen.

I get frustrated in not being able to convey what I'm feeling & my anxiety builds & that's when the razor hits the wrist & releases it all.

I want to sit in a corner & cry my heart out