Have you ever felt so lonely, sitting in a room full of people, with chattering of others coming from your left and your right and laughter exploding in surround sound, and wonder, "Why me?"

Why am I usually the one who stands a few millimeters away from the group? Why am I always left alone? Why doesn't anyone go out of their way to offer a smile or a simple hello?

Some days I feel like tugging at my hair as hard as I can, not caring how my scalp screams in agony or how many clumps of hair I pull out. Why? Because I don't get what I'm doing wrong. I love the solitude and the lack of attention I get from the general public but it's a different case when it comes from the people I trust. Sometimes I wonder if it's my fault for being a recluse but after hours and hours of reflection, I realise that I've always tried to be inclusive. For someone like me, it's difficult. Actually, it's frustrating and scary and I'm terrified to death. But I still make the effort because I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

One day I'll stop trying holding myself together and I wonder if I'd disintegrate into dust or will I shatter like glass instead?