I liked to think I was in your prayers
Or at least your thoughts from time to time
Like when you burned fudge brownies on Sunday mornings
Or kiss your daughter goodnight
(I heard you got someone pregnant)
I liked to think you held me in the back of your mind
Like the quiet anxiety that you told me
Was begging for your love
I kept you in my prayers, if you were wondering
For exactly 372 days
October 22 2011 I stopped praying for you
I stopped praying
Like a storm cloud suddenly dissipating over Southern California in the middle of a drought
Like the color gray which isn't a color
Just a permanent frown pretending to be a shade of white slightly darker than the viscosity of your eyes rolled in the back of your head
Slightly darker than the background of a text message that I never sent because I erased your number from my palm washing away the gray ink you used to spill your life onto mine
Like oil
Like rain clouds, gray on June 25th 2011 the last time I talked to you
Gray sky like the permanent frown you wear when you walk outside and realize all of your plans are ruined

I liked to think I was your gray rain cloud
Evaporating into the air and into your lungs
Polluted
"Necessary and unnoticed"