when i was five i learned
that dreams and memories
were more connected
then i had thought
and that waking up screaming
and instantly forgetting why
was not 'normal'
but then again
what ever was?

when i was twelve
i learned that
being saved
did not always include
a prince outside your window
waiting to take you away
and that sometimes
your biggest enemy
was the one that
shared your skin.

when i was fifteen
i learned that
******* and making love
were two completely different things
and that mistaking
one for the other
meant a body
that didn't feel like my own
and a frozen heart that didnt function
the way it was supposed to.

and when i was sixteen
i learned that
loving a boy
with rough hands
and smooth words
that made me
want to give up
everything i had
wasn't poetic
but self destruction.