My mind is racing.
I'm remembering things I once blocked,
remembering things that once brought smiles
and now bring tears because I miss them so.

I remember when you treated me like a princess.
I never thought I would enjoy that.
You called me sweetheart,
and when you hugged me,
you held and swung me
so my legs swayed to and fro
like those of a doll.

I should have known I was just a doll,
just a toy.
I wish I had known I was nothing else,
maybe I'd be sleeping tonight.

But then I remember her smile,
my hero's warm, welcoming smile.
I cry because I can't remember her voice -
it's been too long.
I remember her face simply because I see the prints
on my wall, the pixels on my phone,
of the days we were minutes away.
Two hours is too far.
And once every two months is not enough.
You can't go that long without a friend,
without a role model,
without a hero,
at least when you're me.

But I cry because of how he changed things,
and I cry because of how far she is from me.
But I smile because in a week, most will change.
I will see her smile again and forget his,
at least for a short while.
But I still cry because I focus on the negatives,
rarely on the positives,
especially in the dark.
And maybe if he didn't change his ways,
and her smile was next me always,
but not in print,
maybe I'd be sleeping tonight.

Because she's the only one who will get through to me,
one of the only ones who will listen to me.
Everyone says they understand me,
but everyone includes him,
and that's why I won't be sleeping tonight.