silent i sit at my computer
you sleep beside me
i try to be quiet
as to not wake you

but your eyes shoot open
and i wait for your cry
silently i walk to your side
"shh my little one." i say to thee
"mama is here." and you look at me

your beautiful brown eyes stare into my soul
you young at 4 say "you not my mama"
my eyes fill with tears as i sink into my own emptiness
hoping for a magical explanation
but nothing comes

I longed for your love since you were 2
and now i know why it was never there
you see my mom as your mother too
and now i am only know as your sister to thee

and i want to tell you
i want you to know

but then i wake up
in sweat and heat
tear stream down my face
as to tell me it was a dream
more like a nightmare
that most likely will come true

but in my heart and soul
you are still by baby to me