I don't know what to write here,
But I know I need to write.
So here is my streaming thought; I am sorry if the writing is horrific.
My brother is in Afghanistan and I want to cry. Not because I miss him terribly but because he's finally become someone I look up to rather than detest. And most of all I don't want to lose him.
My sister will be off to Japan in a few weeks and it will be the longest we've ever been apart. We're going to miss each others Birthdays…
My best friend is so wildly out of control I fear that she's going to get herself pregnant and not give a **** about anything. I just don't know what to say to her anymore.
I am going to college in six months.
My grandfather is dead, and so are both of my cats. My guinea pig died a year ago.
I am torn between science and religion.
I have feelings for someone who wants me too. But I can't be with him because I'm scared of everything that comes with a relationship. The drama, the complications, the pain.
I am much to internal. I miss my horses, I miss swimming in the cold Saranac River. I miss Forget-Me-Not flowers that come with the spring. I miss dancing in the rain and listening to music while I stargaze under the Adirondack sky.
I am sick of crying and grinding my teeth at night. I'm sick of feeling like I'm not human. I am sick of caring about myself, but if I don't, no one else will. I want to be the person I appear to be. The person that everyone thinks I am, but right now I just feel broken. How can the person thats supposed to hold others up be broken?