:As If I Died:

Lets capture this moment that ruptures from the spring of your mouth,
all is never north for it turns back and heads south,
It's been a while in silence,
Engaging a war of shrugs among rioted violence,
In-between bars rusted rebelled deadly thoughts,
Captured in this swelling cage I rot.
As if I died I subdue; shamelessly and recklessly into you,
I just want an “I’m proud of you”
I pick the stitch upon this heart I chew,
it weaves in and out blood spurting out this chest,
leave me in this coffin I eternally rest.
Silence is the biggest war to inflict on yourself,
not a cut, burn, bullet, or medication could be the worse,
fore they numb us before we burst.
Silence is them keen of all,
it ***** with you on the best of days,
leaving happiness in a dreadful haze,
no one notices anything among this room,
the way the paintings spin and zoom,
the nurse with the lazy frown handing out pills she’s always upside down.
The man yelling for help in his loose blue gown portraying a fiend of dope he found,
upon the silent unheeding ground.
Spinning inside this mind of doom; all to all it begins to consume,
the inanimate object you’ve become will end soon.
As if I died I wouldn’t of lied or said, “I’m fine”
because “that’s another problem that we don’t need”
but, the only problem was lovelorn of I,
the crazy things I do is to catch your eye,
life-threatening always in a bind,
I wouldn’t be in this coffin of my dreadful mind.
I’m sorry dear family for I am not the best,
I eat, smoke, work, drink and rest,
and I just wish for once split second I was your best.
It’d be so pure and elegant to have your approval,
I don’t want it to be expressed through money or showered upon gifts,
I know I **** up but I put that below me,
I just wish instead of hanging things over my head you’d actually get to know me.
So, As if I died I’ll stay silent,
forget me if you want it’s easy to do,
because I’m the black sheep of this “family” you grew.