There grows an idea, but dare I acknowledge?
Or will it slip by like each time come before?
I once was so strong, but it seems I've forgotten
Abandoning all that I've been fighting for
My honesty bleeds to the tune of redemption
But somehow the lies still disguise what I know
I’m secretly plotting out my own deception
For I can’t hold on ‘til I learn to let go

Tarry, not I, in all hope as I’m groping
For one final thread as it whispers goodbye
I torture myself, and then say that I’m coping
Expecting much more than I ever deny
I hold myself back, unaware that I’m choking
While fashioning chains, both of tears and of smiles
Aware of the sufferance I am provoking
So blind to the joy I've pursued all the while

Nothing to gain ever comes without losing
But I've lost so much nearly nothing remains
I wonder so often, and find it confusing
How long must I wait ‘til I feel more than pain?
All of this time, I’m defeating the lesson
Repeating the questions again and again
Losing myself in my self-wrought depressions
As each time I tell myself, “Never again…”

The voices compete for control of my actions
Conflicting all knowledge; disturbing my calm
There is no retreat…I hang on by a fraction
Despite knowing I do not want this at all
Rage and frustration of my own creation
Explode past my lips in the form of a scream
As I now let go of my self-condemnation
And take back the power to follow my dream