It’s not you, it’s me.
I know I was wrong.
I always was, always will be
It’s my fault it took so long
For me to realize the burden I’d become.
I felt left behind, abandoned
And you, so strong, took some
Pain away, you were a stand-in.
But I wanted too much.
How could I expect you to carry me
When you see love as such
An arduous contract to which you agree?
I didn’t keep up my end of the deal.
I wasn’t perfect anymore,
It all became real.
So you shut the door
Without so much as a good-bye.
I’m left stunned and alone,
No more tears to cry
Now that you’re really gone.
I know I’m strong
But you don’t understand
That my heart’s been breaking apart for so long;
Handle anymore? I don’t think I can.
I can see what I am.
I am beautiful and worth something.
I can see that, yes, but ****
How can I believe it when you found it so easy to fling
Me aside and walk away?
I can't be as wonderful and unique
As you used to say.
Together we conquered a mountain, but you threw me off the peak
And watched me fall;
You didn’t even blink.
All your words were lies, they meant nothing at all.
Can’t you see how that makes my heart sink?
How could you leave when you promised you’d stay?
I gave you my love, I gave you my trust
So greedy of you to take it and just throw it away.
It wasn’t fair to me; it was just…
Shocking? Mean? There isn’t one word
To describe this feeling, to know that
Nothing I’d have said would have deterred
You from acting so selfishly, letting me fall flat.
I’m stumbling now, trying to find a way out
By myself, without you, no hand to steady me
And I’ve started to doubt
That anyone will ever see
What I think, how I feel.
How your words were so damaging.
You felt entitled to steal.
You ordered my life, ruled everything as a king,
A despot, a tyrant.
This deserves mention.
All that time I spent,
Gave you all my attention.
I know you can’t express
Emotions when they’re true.
They build up so high, on your chest they press.
Your way out has worked before, it’s nothing new.
I understand you had to go
Or else I would’ve wasted away.
But one thing you must learn, one thing you must know:
I’ll never forgive you, but surely I’ll pray.
Oh, for me to be me again.
Your tumultuous reign threw me back,
But you won’t win, you can’t win
Because my faith has yet to crack.
But also I ask
That God wakes you one night;
When he’s ripped off your mask,
You’ll see yourself in his light.
No more hiding, you can’t lie
When he’s making you look
At everyone you’ve hurt, how many have cried
At all the innocence and love and happiness you took.
But I pray, too, that you’re happy, I do every day
Because, thanks to you,
I’m finally finding my way.
Now there’s nothing more to say, nothing left to do,
So maybe I can throw you to the breeze,
Watch how it takes you;
Finally, I’ll breathe with ease.
I’ll live every moment, remember it all
All the loose ends I’ll weave
Into memories of happiness and forever I’ll recall
How blessed I am, always was, and how you forced me to see.