You never once asked me to save you
I guess I just took that upon myself
The first time I put my fingertips under your shirt you trembled
There were bandages and scars underneath

Things you’ve never let anyone else see
Things you were scared to show me

All I saw was milky white beauty
Muscles and bone
Strength of the more memorable kind

No, you never asked me to save you
I don’t regret trying
But during all of the 2 am phone calls
I spoke with my face buried in my pillow

I told you my secrets one night
Not all of them
But enough to make you run away into the sunrise
They’ve been caught in my teeth ever since
I threw them up and didn’t wash my mouth out
I don’t feel ***** when I really talk to you
You didn’t wash your hands after you touched me
He always did

You whispered my name
Moved my hair around in your hands
Said my name aloud while your toes curled
Knees on hardwood floors
I never felt it
Too preoccupied with pleasing you
Nothing more beautiful than your half closed eyes;
The way your lips part to let out a low sigh

Counting the days with you like stars in the sky
I hope they are limitless and shining
I hope our love will be a galaxy

You stood in front of me
Naked in soul and body
I kissed the freckles on your chest and lower
I kissed the scars on your stomach where they cut you open
Where they pulled parts of you out when you got sick
You may not be whole
But I plan on making you feel as if you are missing nothing

You say you are ashamed of the marks
9 years of pain
The blood transfusions
The multitude of pills waiting on the counter
9 years and 2 months of pain
Months in the hospital
IV’s in your arms dripping what you couldn’t make
And all that lost weight
You still aren’t fixed
I tell you that you are perfection
I will love you through everything

With my face twisting I tell you about my pain
The scars curling like ivy on my forearms
Wrist to elbow
Elbow to shoulder to thigh to calf
The days I spent crying instead of living
And how the hospital makes you want to die
About all the pounds I shed into thin air by not eating
We both dehydrated when we lost 40 pounds
We’ve both been so close to death we tasted it
Felt cold fingers wipe the sweat from our brows

I ask myself how I ever breathed without you
Without the help of your lungs
Please don’t pull the plug

We had *** the first time we met in person
I bit your bottom lip so hard it was still raw a week later
I told you I was sorry
You said you felt no pain
It only showed how I thoroughly enjoyed you
That was the first time I felt that I was making love

I want to ride my skateboard down the contours of your legs
Make your body a half pipe
A park only for me

You lit my cigarette when we stood in the snow
“pretty girls never light their own”

I love the way your eyes look when you are trying to be worth something
When you are excited;
Happy
When you are looking into my eyes while you are inside of me

You opened my car door for me
You watched me leave as the snow fell harder
And then you stopped me and pulled me out of my seat

Kissed me hard because I had to go

Kissed me hard in the snow

It felt like a summer night in July and all I wanted was you
Snow turned into fireworks in a field at night
Fireflies dancing

You go to church sometimes on Sundays
A lot of times you sleep instead of going with your father
I still don’t think I'm getting into heaven
I used to drink blood and eat flesh too
Never felt any better after kneeling in that red velvet pew
I would stare at the sunlight coming through the stained glass
And think about ******* Jesus
I’ve heard a lot of voices but I’ve never been haunted by the Holy Ghost

There are freckles on our back
Mine from 3rd degree sunburn two summers ago
I told you they were beautiful
I still don’t know if you believe me

The first time we talked on the phone
You told me you loved someone who didn’t make you happy
All I wanted was to be yours
You told me beauty radiates inside of me
Beyond that of the moon and stars

I don’t believe in heaven or hell
But I think there is something magical waiting for you