"you knew what was coming so why didn't you get out?
and why do words of love and dreams fall from your lips so much more than what i think is the truth?
what the **** is happiness?
and what is it you actually feel?
and why are you trying so hard to keep me in sight?
exactly how long do you need me here?
why are you different?
speak. for god's sake use your words when you need them
silence is for weak lungs and racing hearts"

i cannot begin to fathom why it is you're doing what you are doing
you only tell me of the ghosts that wander in the vessel of my body and how much they'd like to help me see my beauty
but there is no beauty and there are no ghosts
so why do you make me feel like there is?

i seem to only tread on broken ground
but now i am perplexed and you've left my truths unsettled
if i counted every vein and vessel that ran through your arms i swear you'd find a way to change the number the very next day

i suppose i've come to realize i've only been comfortable with drinking poison
and i've gone without water for so long that the taste's escaped my memory

and why do i care?
these toxic people did nothing but harm
it was right to make them leave,
but why did the confident remarks of "oh so holier than thou" only make the wound deeper?
if they left shouldn't i be happy? is that not the logic?
it seems not, as i am still attempting to lessen the rage in my heart
i am not as small as them and i will not act as such
but if i'm not then why do i care
why do i care
why do i care?!

oh, blood
spills so easily

i feel so much that now i cannot feel it at all
what should kitchen knives mean to me anymore?
what should my bounties of wonder pills do for me anymore?
how should spiteful breaths and contagious malice from friends and former lovers feel in my heart anymore?
i feel sick to the core but it cannot be purged

i will create and take shelter from further harm
four walls no doors no windows and no illusions
and yes i do understand what i am about to do
resistance only teaches a soul to repent
and sense of self will succumb to atrophy
but in all honesty why should it matter anymore?
why does it matter if i make one more dent in a totaled car?

thou only gets what thou dost earn,
and as of now i seem to have only earned four stages of grief and a shattered perception of right and wrong

all these are tangents only my mind has heard
and my lips shall maintain still waters
weak lungs and racing hearts can only drown
and what may lie at the bottom of the sea shall be my salvation