1 In this dark, cruel and callous world it’s optimists ar’ always good to me - they lend me a thousand dollars and when I don’t return they don’t get discouraged they convince themselves I’ll pay up soon “Tomorrow,” they nod sagaciously Yeah, tomorrow And even when they get mad and furious all I have to do is to offer them half a glass
2 To ‘em optimists I’m full of gratitude cos when I ‘s a kid and skinned their cats and stole their lawn mowers and silverware and put them up for sale in the same street they stood agape and said: “This kid, one day he’ll be a great entrepreneur”
3 I love optimists cos even though my parents cursed “We never really wanted you”; and my wife confesses every other night: “I married you for all the stolen money and will dump you and claim half of every dollar and property”; and my kids keep pestering me: “When will you die? Have you written your will?” - optimists tell me: “The universe loves you; reach out, and the universe reaches out to you” Hey, you get more love from strangers than from family
4 And of course let me not forget Destiny’s plan for optimists in my life cos even after the fourth ****** for which I was found guilty (never mind the six undiscovered) the optimists in the legal system and Friends of the Maladjusted got me out in seven-a-weeks, with the hope: ” This time, surely, he will change for the better”
Ah, what’ll I do without ‘em optimists? - bless ‘em all, and keep ‘em alive for I’m planning my next killing