The muggy smog of early day
Greeted with its hazy lulling quiet
Making the tumult that was my thought flat line
Where this soft spoken neighborhood
Throw back housing and lazy barking furred tenants leveled back down from the clouded canopy where I float
Like a child on my back in still water
The ungelating  of the cosmos distracts me from reality
The ebbing harmony of self to world relation made a meditation blooming with the emptying of my own being
Where I stare bold eyes in reverent to stars

Looking at the heavens as if they held my heart
Had the power to both make me
And help define the limits of my being where I could not

Touch the place inside myself that I hide
From him, from her
The people I love most know not the secret self
That child whom worries and frets
Panics in its shell,
Stays like the placid lake
Unmoved stillness that meditative calm
Shaking the bars of my being until
The stillness turns rippling
Quaking the waving terror
Down the the drowning heart beneath the sea of calm
Choking on the need to stay silent

To regain composer and not be brought to the shore of reality
Where my being washed ashore
That secret self was laid bare
It's skin still raw from the air, salted with the shame of lost control

I become desperate to swim
To float
Get the grit and sand from beneath my toes
The nakedness unbearable
I cover myself with leaves
And turn away from the sun
Turn away from his light his warmth
It feels wrong to be so ****
He can see my body and I can claim apathy or moreover love
But to bare my soul
My secret self
Is a nakedness I cannot help but protest.