This sense
Is forever changed for me
Forever changed,
Inside of me

It has been
Utterly wrecked
Completely stolen
Thoroughly clawed
Ripped
Out of my body

My whole life
I have been confused by
Touch
I have been misled by
Touch
I have been deceived by
Touch
I have been violated by
Touch
I have been irreversibly
Hurt
By
Touch

So I don't let
Anyone
Touch
Me

But,
For some inexplicable reason,
Your
Touch
Is different.

When you hug me
When you lay close
And pull me in
And put your head on my shoulder
And wrap your arms around me
I feel
Incredibly,
Indescribably,
Safe.

In the past
I have pushed myself
And forced myself to
Touch
To hug
To show my love
But the whole time
It's painful
The whole time
I am fighting
My mind is

Screaming

Stop.
Run.
Get out.
But my body stays
Because I so desperately
Desire
For it to feel normal
And right
To enjoy it
To be like everyone else
For
Once

But with you
I don't have to fight
I don't feel like I am going to
Explode
If I don't run
If I don't escape
Opening up to you
It's easy
It's comfortable
I say things
I've never said
And I'm not afraid
It feels good
I've known you for a sliver of this life
But I trust you
Like you've always been here
When I'm talking to you
When you're holding me
I feel
So safe
So protected
So secure
So content
So loved

And it scares the **** out of me.

Because never,
Never has
Touch
Felt this way

I do not understand.

And that's why I ask you
To leave
That's why sometimes
I distance myself
Because after awhile
I can't handle it
I need a break
From your

Unsettling safety