The white walls,
The white sheets,
The white gloves,
They all seem to blend together
And although this white is whiter than most,
All I can see is the dark cloud hovering over my troubled head.
The 75 pound weights tied to my feet
Pulling me under the surface
Making me scream.
The nurses,
Dressed in white,
Tell me it is going to be okay.
"She's in a better place" they say.
How can it be a better place if I'm not in it with her?
How can it be a better place if I'm here,
Without her?

I blamed myself
I resented myself
It was all my fault
I could have done something
So I spent years beating myself up
Tearing apart my skin
Crying until my I could no longer see