Every night I lay here on my bed just
Staring at the ceiling while my mind races,
Thoughts in my head constantly ringing your name
Whether you're okay, whether you're alive,
Whether you still maybe hopefully remember me.

Every night I lay here on my bed just
Tugging at the blankets while my tears flow
Because maybe I had another flashback or
Because my creative mind thought of another nightmare where you die
Over and over and over again.
I am gripped with fear and my breathing quickens again.
I worry constantly about you.

Every night I lay here on my bed just
Tossing and turning because I
Just can't sleep.
I roll around in bed but all these thoughts fill my head.
Sometimes I wonder if you know that I care for you.
And inside,

I know you don't.

Because I never plucked up the ******* courage to
Tell you straight to your face that
I ******* care and that I really love you.
I pray every day that I don't go school and the principal says that
We need to have one minute of silence because
You died. You jumped.

You left me.

Sometimes I wonder if you forgot the promise.
That you'd leave me here all alone.
Sometimes I wonder if you still consider me your best friend.
Because you've always been mine and still are.
What matters is that I'm in your heart and you're in mine.
But I don't really know where I am anywhere now.

I'm sorry if you got mad that I overdosed.
I'm sorry if I added on to your burdens.
I'm sorry that I'm never there to protect you or care.
I'm sorry.

I really am.