last night, I had a fever
and for a few hours of wonderful
hallucination I forgot about how
you left and all I could remember
was your accent and your
whiskey-and-cigarettes voice
and how you’d sound ****
reading the phone book.
I remembered your dark hair
in my face at night and
the smell of your perfume,
I remembered your gentle touch
and the way you smiled at me.
I remembered conversations about
a future we wouldn’t share and
breakfast and all of that mind-numbing
life-changing beauty of yours
and I woke up in tears because somehow
at some point I also remembered
that I’d spend all of my days without you.
(we did the right thing, I know we did, but
I will love you, I will love you.)