Feb 2014
I feel you slipping away
like your gaze cannot hold on much more,
but i feel you looking at me when i look away.
since that one night
where my trust was crushed
and you didn't even want to tell me
We have this unspoken border between us.
I fall asleep next to you each night,
But the amount we touch is not enough
I want to explore your dreams
and look into your thoughts
So i can know why we are behaving this way.
I want you to be mine, alone.
And i will be yours, strictly.
*** is not supposed to be just the pumping of hips and thighs,
It seems like it has simply become a thing.. we do...
Nothing passionate
Nothing romantic.
It feels good during
But not afterward.
You don't need to see me cry,
I would hide it from you anyway.
Just know that i still love you
And i hate myself for it
I realized just now that when
you bring him coffee in the morning,
and he says thank you,
but falls asleep again without a sip,
that when efforts fail,
and thoughts were wrong,
it's time to find if what he needs is me.
I once told him that i kept a blog.
He looked at it once when i was with him,
but it's clear he hasn't looked at it since.
If he knew the secrets i told my followers,
maybe he would keep up, too.
He became nocturnal while i kept a normal routine.
I tried sleeping earlier so i could wake with him.
I wanted to form myself to his schedule,
So i could see him once in a while.
But when he spoke, it was entirely of his day
and not ever asking about mine.
In the times i can find a space to tell him
he shushed me, and the silence continued.
He did not want to me wake up to be with him.
He would rather i stayed over there, and
not intruding his alone time.
So i went to bed at 8 in the evening
So i would get a nap in before he came home.
I ended up sleeping until 6:30 am
and he had not woken me up when he got home,
He woke me up when he finally went to bed.
So now i've been awake for seven hours,
and he is still sleeping.
I want to touch him, and feel him.
I want him to tell me how he feels.
I need him to show what i mean to him.
Instead of wondering aimlessly, crying.
like your gaze cannot hold on much more,
but i feel you looking at me when i look away.
since that one night
where my trust was crushed
and you didn't even want to tell me
We have this unspoken border between us.
I fall asleep next to you each night,
But the amount we touch is not enough
I want to explore your dreams
and look into your thoughts
So i can know why we are behaving this way.
I want you to be mine, alone.
And i will be yours, strictly.
*** is not supposed to be just the pumping of hips and thighs,
It seems like it has simply become a thing.. we do...
Nothing passionate
Nothing romantic.
It feels good during
But not afterward.
You don't need to see me cry,
I would hide it from you anyway.
Just know that i still love you
And i hate myself for it
I realized just now that when
you bring him coffee in the morning,
and he says thank you,
but falls asleep again without a sip,
that when efforts fail,
and thoughts were wrong,
it's time to find if what he needs is me.
I once told him that i kept a blog.
He looked at it once when i was with him,
but it's clear he hasn't looked at it since.
If he knew the secrets i told my followers,
maybe he would keep up, too.
He became nocturnal while i kept a normal routine.
I tried sleeping earlier so i could wake with him.
I wanted to form myself to his schedule,
So i could see him once in a while.
But when he spoke, it was entirely of his day
and not ever asking about mine.
In the times i can find a space to tell him
he shushed me, and the silence continued.
He did not want to me wake up to be with him.
He would rather i stayed over there, and
not intruding his alone time.
So i went to bed at 8 in the evening
So i would get a nap in before he came home.
I ended up sleeping until 6:30 am
and he had not woken me up when he got home,
He woke me up when he finally went to bed.
So now i've been awake for seven hours,
and he is still sleeping.
I want to touch him, and feel him.
I want him to tell me how he feels.
I need him to show what i mean to him.
Instead of wondering aimlessly, crying.
