we were lovers once,
sought solace in one another’s skin & sweat,
gasping with a slip of lips down the spine.
we were lovers once
& then we weren’t.
it’s still strange to me
how that could be.
i always thought you’d be the last,
called you salvation,
you called me
yours so i wouldn’t be surprised
to reach within your ribs & rediscover
pieces of myself long since forgotten
& i don’t know who i am anymore
but you knew me best,
i ran to you bleeding & crying & starving
only to evade your every attempt to help me escape
the voices making madness in my head, only to rage more
& push back against your sweetness, your concern,
your unconditional love, we shared that
with each other but we stopped making each other
better & when i pointed this out to you
i thought i broke you,
watched you cry so hard it took your breath away
& this whole summer i was afraid
you’d decide living wasn’t worth the effort.
we have both worn angry cuts on our skin,
but the last time i saw you,
ours have both faded into mere scars.
we’ve put down the razorblades & stopped
flirting with suicide,
& though we still have our vices,
i look at us now & we’ve never been
happier.
so i smoke my cigarette & take some photographs
while you inhale a line of ******* & we both smile
because sometimes life is just grand,
somehow
it’s okay we’re still medicating
the human condition
because we are proof
that fundamental love does not go away
that it is possible to heal
that we were never broken.
those two years of my life are forever yours.
you own that.
you kept me safe.
you loved me when i couldn’t love myself,
unyielding,
ceaseless,
& i’m grateful.
just look at us now.
we never thought we’d make it.
i never thought we’d still be alive
so breathe in your chemicals,
swallow your pills,
do your worst &
i love you nonetheless.