i can always hear him in that stupid song
and that stupid
gooey
rush of blood and
rapid heartbeat in my ears
happens when we make eye contact
and i look away and pretend
not to have been looking at him
but i was. and he knows i always do.

and sometimes i like to imagine what his hands feel like
what his plush lips would taste like up against mine
and what it would take to get him to smile with the one dimple.
i imagine holding his hand and wearing his jackets
because i bet that they always smell good.
i  imagine going to see his band and laughing at how much they ****
but then asking him to sing for me later.

i like to imagine
what it would be like
to not get my hopes up
to not fall head over heels
over a stupid school-girl crush.
i like to imagine
what it would be like
to know how i feel
and how he feels
even if he doesnt.