if there is anything that is unfair, it's the way my eyelids twitch restlessly desperate for sleep while my brain refuses to be at peace. and my lack of ability to deal with my feelings in ways other than these nonsense paragraphs, that have an endless amount of errors, that i dare to call poetry. or how i am unrealistic with myself. like when i think that my favorite flowers are the purple pansies i used to plant in my grandmothers garden when i was a little girl. but those flowers wilted and her garden was dug up when her house was sold. those flowers have been making my stomach turn and causing me to choke back tears since the year she died, when i was just thirteen. those flowers remind me of lost things and aches in my heart.
but there are may flowers, which only come once a year. and with them come new beginnings and fresh starts. and every year i wait through the april showers, and they never let me down. they remind me of patience and that good things come in time, and even the greyest of days can lead to something beautiful. they remind me of hope.
if there is anything that is unfair, its your eyes. because your eyes remind me of may flowers, and may flowers remind me of hope, and hope is a four letter word, but so is lies. And hope only comes once a year, and new mind sets only happen in may. but your eyes are there in january, when i'm supposed to still have a four month wait for my hopeful new start. and in september, when my new start isn't so new anymore. your eyes are like may flowers that never die, and  may flowers that never die remind me of hope that never dies.... and hope is a four letter word. and so is lies. and so is hurt.
but so is love.
and maybe i'm being unrealistic with myself again, but that's the word i'm going to go with. because love reminds me of better days and better days remind me of you. because days are always better with may flowers and your may flowers never die.