Passion  hot like fire
Life is the razors edge and the dance to keep it
skin close beyond skin
Into blood and flesh and red inside
rivulets in streams down my face and the curves of my *******
your eyes don't translate
and I scream, I cry
you don't hear me darling
my love my beautiful fantasy made flesh
killer of dreams when your eyes
turn away from me
because I ******* swear a moment ago we were somewhere else
life wasn't ****** over and things shined from the inside
strings cut dead puppets slump and dangle into space and its
the close of my fingers over nothing in the dark
it's the nothing
it's the void
it's the screams and the hatred and the blindness reflected
in your eyes once so green now bruised up from the inside
from the dead side and the rip tide
I want to drown myself at sea
because the waves never stop crashing and they never let me down but to drag me
deep down into the cold that I can feel as vivid as the fire
the fire I felt in you once felt but you don't feel it now
you never ******* did, did you?
was it ever real?
I built a world around me and I let you in, didn't I?
Play a leading role in the cabaret, dance and make the world ok
because everything is fighting with itself and threes nothing I can do
so yes
pretend
toss me in the waves
let the rocks hit me and drown away the screams of the voices in my head with the roar of the titans in the current of the sea
for never can I find what was never going to be
never again can I believe in that dammed spark I saw in you
I saw that spark die and when you looked at me there was nothing but sorrow
and over the vibrant forest I once envisioned in your depths and the sheltering dreams I once cultivated
into canopies and rich jungles
there have grown not just clouds, but death
and the death is grey and it suffocates me through the memory
of seeing it when you stood in the doorway of my room
and I gave you back your things because they made me cry
so as not to let you see me cry I slammed the door.
But my love my darling, my aching heart and soul
would that you could feel
feel me as you once did in the dark of the night when there was trust in between us and nothing else
bare skin on the sheets and Goosebumps in the dark
I knew your every outline
every whisper in the dark
I want to scream
and howl
and cry
and shake with the fury of the fundamental brokenness of the ****** up world
because I let you in
I let you seem my diamonds in the dew drops, my sparkling canopies through verdant leaves and the warm flutter of a heart beating through the night as it runs and its soft and beautiful and hard and terrifying
and yet it became so broken
smash it with a baseball bat
me and you and we stumbled around through the dark
and we said things we didn't mean
and we let the whispers of other people change what we thought to say
those who never went where we were
and I don't know what happened
it was like that one surprisingly quick and painful moment when everything goes to hell in a blink
I open my eyes
and I'm left wondering how it all got ****** so fast
like a car crash
and waking up after in the emergency room
and darling I still do love you
I could say it still from the depths of my lungs
and scrape it out with a spoon like the pumpkins on Halloween and choke it up with the pain
But you can't because you left me
And I broke my promise never to give up on you
I told myself I was a fool
and that ******* someone cant mean that much if you could break me so
My darling;
you broke my world when you said goodbye
and I don't need you, or need you to need me
But I miss the feeling of seeing your smile, and hearing your particular laugh
I catch myself wanting to share things with you
I miss your eyes and perhaps I am a fool
but I could swear I once saw them as an oasis
I miss the way you smell
and they way we had our inside jokes and
most of all
I miss the dreams we never got
and I sit and cry
wracked, red raw, broken and completely illogical
curved spine in the shower face down
and the water plinks off my shoulder blades
fingertips on the still cool tiles
I shake with the sobs I can't drown
I mourn you
But darling it's not your fault for making me cry
it's not your fault
It's my fault
Because I never could forgive you
And I never could trust you to love me
Not after the first time you left
But I loved you anyways and I was so selfish
I would not accept the love you gave me back
so now I am once more alone
and I cry because I failed you
I failed myself
And that is the truth
My darling, my heart, my everything..
my nothing at all anymore.
Without you my skies are less blue.
I'm so sorry.
At least you'll probably never know my pain.