sometimes I regret that we are not sitting in your bedroom dropping acid
or that we haven't taken drugs that make us want to walk around town
in the glistening 3am winter

sometimes I miss drinking Jameson with you
stumbling home from a party up the road to find a nice soft dirt trail
to fumble around in for a while

sometimes I miss smoking Export A's, one after the another
inhaling the toxic fumes like I inhaled your presence
until the whole pack was gone
inevitably, just like you always were by the end of the week

but now I'm doing greater things than snorting lines and drinking away the pain you caused
I have ambitions and I'm getting out of this god forsaken **** hole

I am apologetic that I could not save you
and that when you were on the path to being saved
I was a liability that may have ultimately caused your eventual demise

now you are rotting away in a place I never saw you in
you are a person I never wanted you to be and never thought you could be

this is the person everybody else saw and told me to run from
while I was batting my eyelashes and losing sleep

I am at a terrible loss for words even though I have just written so many