"You Can't Help How You Feel"
by @vanessa-9
Everytime I tell a boy just how much he means to me, he replies with "You can't help how you feel" or something along those lines and those six words alone bring a tear to my eye because yes I can't help how I feel. The moon doesn't apologize for falling at daybreak, and rain doesn't apologize for ripping at your winter coat, so really why should I apologize for loving you?
Maybe you were no good from the beginning but I do know that I can't help shaking at the thought of your skin colliding with mine, the touch of your fingers could send chills down my spine and make me breath smoky fog for about a year after winter. I can't help falling in like with the way you half smile when you look at the sky or the way you inhale smoke and release it from your lungs like a pro at blowing autumn leaves even though you aren't a master at escaping. I can't help clawing at your backbone for hours on end hoping that somewhere within the hour I'll be able to feel your spinal cord in the midst of our encounter, and bring you back from the dead. I can't help loosing control of my tongue the minute you feed me lies, although you could burn beautiful words in the back of my throat, I promise I won't scream. I can't help wanting to unravel your secrets and read you books at 1 am and talk about the rest of our lives for hours on end, although owning an apartment in New York overlooking the rest of the world sounds quite appealing, don't you think? We could sit at the window and drink coffee in silence, I promise not to bombared you with words for to long. I can't help mistaking those summer nights for learning of your darker days, because you hid neatly behind your two glass spectacles and didn't dare show me what lied beneath your brown pupils. I can't help that an evening in your car will only drive me insane, because who knows where our nostalgia will take us as we drive down memory lane, maybe our honesty will get the better of us and our love will come flooding back into our bones before our soberity has a chance to say no. I can't help seeing a light in your eyes if you walk me home in the dark, because I just might go blind if I allow you inside my burning building, I might become ash before you have a chance to pull me out alive.
There is a lot of truth in what you said because yes-- I guess I just couldn't help falling in love with you,
So yes-- I guess I really can't "help how I feel" after all.
vm