I didn’t know what loving sunshine was like until I met you
Through soft words and peach skin kisses you’ve wrapped my heart
And I love you now more than the sunshine
And I’ll love then more than the sunset
One million kisses later and I’m still sure
I didn’t know what loving sunshine was like until I met you
You lit up my world and believed in me
Spun me up with love and hold me tight until the storms over
Take my wilted willow heart and make me bloom like the first sunflowers in June
Show me what the light of loving you looks like and never let it dim
Don’t turn off the light
I’m scared of the sea because it’s cold and lonely
But I swear I didn’t know what loving sunshine would look like—-until I met you
(v.m)
Aug 22, 2019
Aug 22, 2019 at 3:06 AM UTC
Pulling you out of me is one of the hardest things I will ever do today
Forgetting the sound of your laugh is one of the hardest things I will ever do tomorrow
And the secrets you gave me even all the lies and the fake deep talks I will keep hidden, out of the respect I gave you
When I saw your picture with her
I fell to my knees and collapsed on my bedroom floor
I finally ripped the calendar from Christmas off my wall
I don't know if that was because of anger or pain, but they taste just the same
Yes, it's been five months since you left
And I found someone who finally thinks me sunshine
But when I think of you I start to realize you weren't the man I made you out to be
You were an emotional thunderstorm
The type of hurricane that ruins houses
And hates the idea of love
I don't wish you ill
All I know is that
Pulling you out of me will be one of the hardest things I will ever do today.
I hope she loves indecisive men who have a hard time keeping promises
I'm sorry, I've always been attracted to thunderstorms
I'm sorry , I've always been attracted to weeping willows to proud for words or apologies
But I'm not sorry for loving you even when you didn't want me too
There's a legend I like to tell myself when you begin to drown my mind
It's that Karma was once an ocean.
it always washes up what you missed on the shore
even if you don't want to miss me anymore
Karma will always be an ocean
(v.m)
May 25, 2018
May 25, 2018 at 9:16 PM UTC
when I saw you again today I thought I was fine
I really thought I was fine
but then your laugh echoed in my ear when my eyes met yours
and I rolled my eyes only to stop myself from blinking into tears
when i got to the car i bawled and bawled
I blasted a sad song and cried on my way out of the parking lot
I know i shouldn't still be crying but sometimes the sadness hits me like a truck
every part of you came flooding back into me. some days i can control it, and some days it rages like a tsunami.
and i've had you on my mind ever since I stepped foot in my room
the place you once knew so well
do you miss it at all?
do you miss the spot on my bed where we stayed awake until 5 am that very first night together?
it's one for the books
one of my favorite moments
favorite flashback
I'll wish you well in two days time
even if you don't love me anymore
I'll still wish you well in two days time
(v.m)
Mar 7, 2018
Mar 7, 2018 at 7:29 PM UTC
if he reads this
I hope he knows I still love him
if he reads this
I hope all his dreams come true
if he reads this
I hope in our 30's he comes back to me
if he still reads this
I hope he remembers stories about us I wrote
if he still reads this
I hope he remembers the way the moonlight kissed my face when I fell asleep in the back seat
or the night we finally made love
if he still reads these
I HOPE HE MISSES MY KISSES AND THE WORDS OF LOVE I GAVE TO HIM AND ONLY HIM
if he still reads these
I hope the ocean will always kiss the tide
I hope in some life you will always be mine
even if it takes time
if he still reads these I hope he misses my laughter
if he still reads these
and I really don't know if he does
because I don't even know if he cares still
But I hope if he still reads these
he knows I'll always love him.
(v.m)
Feb 23, 2018
Feb 23, 2018 at 11:54 PM UTC
His name starts with an E
and my god is he dashing
I still see his face when I close my eyes
I miss him so much
I pray to God every night he comes back to me
my god I love him so
and I still sleep with a picture of him under my pillow
and I use another as a bookmark
God I love him so
and I still wear the necklace he bought me
and scream his name in between tears on the bathroom floor
...but my god, I love him so
(v.m)
Feb 23, 2018
Feb 23, 2018 at 2:03 AM UTC
I saw you today and you've never looked more beautiful
And I broke down crying in the car today
5 times
in a row
in the fetal postion
You've never been so close yet so far before
And last night I screamed at God
And I kissed the picture of you I keep under my pillow
And the photo strip we took together I use as a bookmark in the book you bought me
I'm still reading it and every lover in that story still sounds like you
But then I remember that you found that book for me
I had been searching for it for years
And when you found it for me
it made me feel loved
because you listened
and you remembered
and I hope it meant you loved me, god I hope it meant that and more
Even if the story is about a girl too messed up to love like me
Pages and pages of loves lost and found echo all the ways you acted with me
Sour and
Sweet
and Cynical
and a Drug
and Curious and Witty
And Athletic and Brave
and Selfish and Lonesome
The book you bought me tells stories of men that all remind me of you
in different ways but all the same still
When you found the book you found it off my favorite quote
about finding an oddball lover, the one she'd always love
I like to think your the Bart of my story
I like to think your my oddball, wizened cowboy of a lover
I like to think you were the happiness of the story
(v.m)
Feb 15, 2018
Feb 15, 2018 at 2:17 AM UTC
I like to think I was your one
Maybe you’ll see that someday
I was the girl that was filled with love
So much of it
Just for you
But you didn’t see it
I still like to think I was your one
You just haven’t seen it
And I hope in a year or two or four
You’ll see it
I hope I’m the girl you come back for
I was the girl who you said was different
So I like to think I was your one
You just haven’t seen it
And I got your family gifts before even meeting them
And I fell in like with your laugh long before you told me you loved me
Do you still love me?
I hope so
I hope I still radiate on days it’s too dark to get out of bed
I hope halls stained with pink hair dye and words in books remind you of me
I hope love stories told are never greater than the one I wrote—
The one about us.
Do you still read it?
I do
I hope to get it published one day
So others can see what waking up feels like
So others can feel what I felt for you
So I like to think I was your one
If in five our stories sits in bookshelves I hope you’ll read the book
I hope you’ll remember
The stories of us as ghosts
And I hope it’ll make you see
That I think I was your one
You just haven’t seen it
(v.m)
Feb 14, 2018
Feb 14, 2018 at 5:00 AM UTC
I am a canvas of all my old lovers--
The ring I wear in my nose was given to me by a boy who hated life
He wiped my tears and promised to take away my fears
But I guess that was a lie because all he wanted was too die
The necklace I wear around my neck, in the shape of a pineapple, was given to me by a boy who's mother knew I loved him just by the way I looked at him
He said he didn't want me to be his anymore
He had trouble showing me what was in his heart
I hope the poem he wrote about me is still buried inside of him most nights
I hope he regrets leaving sunshine
Even though it never was divine
I miss him all the time
No one feels like home like he did
The scars I have on my thighs came from the time I tried to love a boy who never wanted me to get attached to him
He played my heart like his guitar
The bruises on my heart came from the first boy who ever called me beautiful, he molded my idea of a lover when I was young
But he chose great lakes over raging hurricanes
He chose a girl with a chubby face over my warm embrace
My trust issues first arose when the boy with curly fry hair told me not too worry about her.
But I should have worried
He said I was a sunflower
But then he drifted away with the wind
My fear of being naked with someone new first arose when the boy with an adrenaline rush told me speed was always more special than me. Distance drove him down different roads. None of them led to me. Highways and motors made his blood boil more than I ever could imagine. I wonder what else did.
And I am a canvas of all my old lovers
Feb 14, 2018
Feb 14, 2018 at 2:05 AM UTC
It’s almost the day when people confess their love for someone
And my heart still loves you
I stayed up until 4 am
Missing your touch
And I went all the way back to our beginning
I read all our old conversations and broke down crying on the bathroom floor
My sheets are different now but I still have the ones we made love in buried under my bed
And I went back to our beginning tonight
I went back to the night you told me hours felt like minutes
I went back to the night you first told me you loved me
I went back to the night we finally made love
I went back to all those nights we spent laying in my bed
I wish you missed me like I miss you
I wonder if you even think of me still
Because I still miss you
I still miss having soft pecks outside science and all of our spots around school I walk by them all the time
And my music taste has changed since you left I like everything you used to love
And on the day everyone confesses their love I’ll be home alone, with no one to give my heart too.
Because It loves you.
(v.m)
Feb 11, 2018
Feb 11, 2018 at 7:20 AM UTC
It's been two months time and I ******* broke all over again
Because all I could hear was the sound of your laugh
and remember how you used to look at me like I was sunlight
AND HOLY **** I ******* BROKE ALL OVER AGAIN TONIGHT
MISSING YOU AGAIN HIT ME LIKE A ******* HURRICANE TONIGHT
IT'S BEEN TWO MONTHS TIME AND I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOUR LIPS
IT'S BEEN TWO MONTHS TIME AND I STILL NEED YOU LIKE AIR
HOLY **** THE WIND WHISTLES YOUR NAME ALL THE TIME
AND EVERYONE I MEET MAKES ME MISS YOU
AND HOLY **** I ******* BROKE ALL OVER AGAIN TONIGHT
I'M STILL WEARING THE NECKLACE YOU BOUGHT ME
AND I FINALLY LEFT THE HOUSE HOPING I'D RUN INTO YOU SOMEWHERE
I FALL ASLEEP WISHING OTHER PEOPLE WERE YOU
AND HOLY **** IT HIT ME LIKE A TRUCK
I LOVE YOU
AND HOLY **** I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR GONE
IT STILL FEELS LIKE A BAD DREAM
AND HOLY **** I ******* BROKE ALL OVER AGAIN TONIGHT
(v.m)
Feb 11, 2018
Feb 11, 2018 at 3:36 AM UTC