Yesterday, I sat in front of the TV and watched my life play out before me Like a badly directed sit com with scripted laugh track and jilted dialogue.
Opening theme song by: that obscure band you pretend to like so they’ll like you
Starring: that older sister’s friend you thought about under the covers at night. Starring: that family who said that boys liking boys and girls liking girls was destroying our nation. Starring: that boy who held your mouth closed and forced you to wash his *** off your tongue Before he called you baby and allowed you to kiss him.
Starring: that loving God who, you’re told, will no longer love you if you are true to yourself. Starring: that girl who you can’t have. Starring: that girl you shouldn’t want. Starring: that girl you can’t live without.
Starring: that society who taught you to hate your body. Starring: that mirror that reinforces what they say. Starring: those thoughts that tell you to give up because you’ll never be as smart as your sister. Starring: you’ll never be as pretty as her. Starring: a number on a scale that determines your self worth.
Starring: wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely Starring: loneliness Starring: self-loathing Starring: ****** thoughts you keep hidden because Christian girls like you should like Christian boys Like him who fingered you in his truck not an hour after praying in Jesus’s name.
Starring: that flutter in your stomach every time you hear her voice. Starring: her being the reason you’re stay alive. Starring: life, your life, lived by you and no one else
Starring: You, with a bible in one hand and a cigarette in the other, Because surely one of those things will smoke the demons out, you think. You hope.