The road I've traveled down has been cracked more times than pavement, each splinter in cement more vicious than the next. The brush that tries to stop my way is overgrown three times as much as the noose I want so badly to wrap around my neck. See when I hurt you I realized that the only option I have is to end the story, the one where the boy fell for the girl and the girl fell for the guy and they almost lived happily ever after. Only the boy had demons and at night his arm turned canvas his knife a paintbrush. He splashed splinters of blood over his arm, dug trenches for soldiers to hide in. My love I am sorry, I didn't mean to turn out this way so I promise when the boy turns back, when the artist puts down his paintbrush then I will emerge. From the shadows I will rise, rise faster and better than before like a phoenix only death can bring rebirth !

   My love I did not mean to harm you. I don't mean to sound like the pounding of fists or the downing of a bottle. I do not mean to be angry or to raise my voice. You forget that one outlash at you is a thousand lashes for me. A uncontrolled temper of a second means I deserve a thousand deaths. Means I deserve not your forgiveness no, that would be too easy. It means I deserve hell, deserve to be cut open like my skin to my razorblade splashing paint onto canvas ******* pain out of my skin my love. I do not mean, to be an *******. I don't have an excuse except for that my family raises my tempers and you were just unfortunate to be the target.

   My love. I am so sorry that I am a coward. That you've become stuck with a minuscule of a man. I can only hope that my death, untimely or otherwise will bring a better life for you. I am the phoenix. And like a phoenix I will gladly embrace death.