we dine like kings
without eating a thing
when there are those little monsters
that lurk on the back of every package
in the back of my mind
every moment
of every meal
every day
numbers that most people don't concern themselves with
figures that terrify me if they're greater than 300

i am an eighteen year old girl
i might not be a child but i am **** well still growing
i am maturing and i am developing
my brain is not complete yet and i still at times act as i did three years ago
i know that i need a good night's rest
healthy exercise
and enough protein, enough calories,
just enough in general to maintain this gluttonous body's structural integrity

some days i glance into the glass
and see a girl that i wouldn't mind to be
see, i know i'm funny, kind (at least sometimes), knowledgeable, intellectual, cunning, brave, loving
and i know that there are a handful of sadomasochists who love me for that
but i can't help but notice
the imperfections of my skin
the way i wouldn't mind if that boy saw me naked again
if i didn't have so much for him to see
and how i know that i can make myself less
if i lessen my intake

written on my mirror in marker is "fall in love

with yourself"

and it is advice


i'm not sure i can take