If there was a definite answer,
where would it be?
Where haven’t I looked?
I've turned over every aspect of my life,
dug up every buried worry
and all the skeletons of people I decided not to be.
I've kissed the hellos goodbye
and embraced the farewells,
hoping and praying that when people leave and take parts of me with them,
they’ll leave me a little closer
to the center of myself.
I want to find an answer because I don’t know what to do anymore;
I don’t know where to look,
who to hold onto,
which end of the earth to go to
to reach the dream I haven’t decided on yet.
I want to find an answer so I can know that sadness isn't the answer-
sadness.
The feeling that cups me in the palm of its hand,
the feeling that I don’t mind feeling
but that I want to mind feeling.
It isn't good for me,
but how do I know what it is?
How am I supposed to find the answer that’s been buried under fields of indecision?
How am I expected to plow through to the center of my sadness
and take away a solution, and then convince myself
that it is what I need?
How do I find a definite answer
that’s hidden in the shifting sand dunes
of infinity?

If you know,
please tell me.