Jan 2014
Dear first love,
At the beginning of our relationship, I made a promise to you and to myself. I promised that I would never drop you, and I promised that I would never consider you just another girl in my parade. In the end, you were so much more than that. You were everything to me. I gave you everything my thin spirit could afford to lose. I gave you my heart. After some time, you realized that you did notwant it, so you left. Life without you is killing me from the inside out. I have broken my own heart so many times by filling my head with made up happy endings. I kept telling myself that you would come back; that you could impossibly be gone for good if you really loved me as much as you said you did.
So often, I have had to scrape my own heart off of the floor after throwing it at you, thinking you would catch it and embrace it like you used to. But it has become pretty obvious. The love you once felt for me is gone. Lastly, I told you that I would do anything if it meant seeing you happy, even if it cost me every last one of my smiles. So I am going to accept that you are happy, and that it’s not with me. I am going to accept that from now on I will be watching from the sideline, as you fall in and out of love with others. And I am going to accept that I might never be in the position to hold your hand and call you mine ever again.
At the beginning of our relationship, I made a promise to you and to myself. I promised that I would never drop you, and I promised that I would never consider you just another girl in my parade. In the end, you were so much more than that. You were everything to me. I gave you everything my thin spirit could afford to lose. I gave you my heart. After some time, you realized that you did notwant it, so you left. Life without you is killing me from the inside out. I have broken my own heart so many times by filling my head with made up happy endings. I kept telling myself that you would come back; that you could impossibly be gone for good if you really loved me as much as you said you did.
So often, I have had to scrape my own heart off of the floor after throwing it at you, thinking you would catch it and embrace it like you used to. But it has become pretty obvious. The love you once felt for me is gone. Lastly, I told you that I would do anything if it meant seeing you happy, even if it cost me every last one of my smiles. So I am going to accept that you are happy, and that it’s not with me. I am going to accept that from now on I will be watching from the sideline, as you fall in and out of love with others. And I am going to accept that I might never be in the position to hold your hand and call you mine ever again.
