it's this alternating reality between the
dull, throbbing ache of desolation,
the sharp jolts of pain & the
euphoria, the drive to make, build
Rome in one day.

it's the alternation realities between
the inflation where I laugh until I scream,
kick chairs, throw pets down stairs,
rip every hair from my head,
punch myself to see stars,
scream until I laugh
&
the deflation where I sit
back down, stare into mirrors
to tell myself what
I really think of me,
carve insults into my woodworkings,
pull my knees to my chest,
rock myself into hallucinations
or imaginary safe zones.