Growing up I was always told to pretend
To make-believe I was a princess
A mother
A warrior
Whoever I wanted to be
With a little imagination and some time spent outside
Could be real,
But who was I really fooling?
Not myself
After turning the pool into a beautiful dress
After putting my "babies" to bed
After slaying the evil swing set
I was still me
Maybe that's why I got bored
started trying to make others believe my stories
Not worried about what I thought
More how much others did
I can control the radio
I can make it so you can't move
I can levitate
I can read your mind
I am a famous singer
I lied to you about all of this because if you believe it
you might be able to make it
true
Lies
that's all they were
I wanted them to be true
Tried to make them true
They never were
They never will be
Lies
Memories
Pretending it doesn't hurt
Pretending It does
Never knowing who I was
still searching for who I am
I am NO princess
I am NO mother
but I can fight
I wage wars with myself
battle scars taking residence in my heart
I wasn't lying
I was pretending
Pretending to be okay
Pretending I believed
Just like you pretend you care
About me
About what happens to me
If i were to die now you would be at my funeral because it looks right
If i die in ten years you wouldn't show up
Pretending you care or
Lying about caring
pretending
Lying
if it's the same for me it's the same for me it's the same for you
maybe if you
spend a life hiding wounds
spend a day in my shoes
spend a night in my dreams
you'll see why pretending i'm okay
pretending i believe
pretending i'm a princess
a mother
A warrior
None of it works
Nothing ever did
nothing ever will
pretending to be someone i'm not
I'm not you,
I pretended to be
I imagined a world where I could make-believe to believe and have it be true
When I slayed the swing set
I killed myself