was it right and just the wrong time?
or was it wrong?
did i break it, or just bend it?
should have i begun it? should i ever have ended it?
the fact of asking questions
makes me think i know the answers
I still wish i could be with you.
I am sorry for what i have put you through.
I know i am forgiven. That is not my worry or my hurt.
My hurt is in the dashing of what we had upon the rocks
as if it was an infant, and i just couldn't take care of it,
or it was sick,
but it was a beautiful child, and i will miss it,
even though i never really knew it.

I feel even now, as if in my aimlessness,
my direction, my weakness,
in my search for truth, and  the strength to make the  change i know i need in myself,
I am only destroying any and every inkling, of anything that's left,
if there is any at all
with each breath,
with each kiss,
with each time i try to fill this place you fit.

with each time i try to move on, or distract myself, i fear i give up my future,
the one i know God wants for me.
Yes, he is sovereign, and if it is meant to be it surely will,
but, i can't help but wonder, can't help but feel
if i can thwart it,
that i broke it.

What have i done,
and what have it done it for?
yes there is love but,
love like pearls
on the floor.
I keep trying to pick them up.

What can i do but try to see their luster through the dirt?
What can i do now that i have figured out what they are worth?