my heart stops. i’m spinning around the words and phrases, the letters of his name. i'm gouging the surface, searching for him drunk in the dark. why am i still bleeding?
i left my humanity somewhere as my body hit the pavement,
never mind, never,
i can shove my hands down my throat as much as i want
but i’ll never purge the memory, clear and pure
the way my name sounds leaving his mouth, pouring over me
warm, salty water.
special.

and despite all my longings, i exist in this space,
my skin and my flesh
and my flesh
and my flesh

i am not special.