It would take too much time to spit out a rhyme, that exhales the too many complicated details of how I became a criminal. If someone out there tried to define the lines of limitation that create stone cold walls beholding all that is right and wrong I would laugh in their face
There is no right time or place, for anything despite all that grandma told me she can Remind me that fried fish is fried in oil saturated with fat as if my jiggling thighs didn't already know that
But I'll try to smile, despite the war I struggle to, need to fight against the earthquake in my stomache but it's just begun to have it's fun
I feel disgusting. I am ashamed. I'm not aware of the rules to this game but everybody else seems halfway across the board
There was no one incident catapulting me to hell, I just think I was born there And if you don't believe me there will be a yell, or screech to teach the meek and weak who seek some form of hope, some drip or some leak I will yell at you, when whispers drown the drums in your ears I will reveal the fears you've been trying to conceal for years and I will bring out your ******* tears
Why? why would I ever want to make you cry? I don't, I just don't want to see you make the same mistakes I did said every mother father aunt uncle sister brother family member ever
Where am I going with this? These are not the consecutively places lines I have been assigned for the poetry class I sit in at nine These are lines on paper portraying, redundantly saying why I sometimes wish I would die. Sometimes.
One of those times the mirror in the bathroom was not silent or flat it screamed, "FRIED fish is FRIED in OIL SATURATED with FAT" as if I didn't already know that
One of those times occured directly after one of those times and I will never have enough security cameras and I will never have enough freedom
Because in this universe, we teach the entire history of how jesus came to be but shun faith in the stars or the wisdom of mythology Because in this universe, healthy food is instantly corrupted and corrupted healthy food will get in your head-wait, no. Society cannot simply manipulate my brain Because in this universe, I was already born insane In this universe a sixteen year old girl can be sexually assaulted 3 times and still be expected to feel protected In this universe, a sixteen year old girl can feel older than dirt, tired and disintegrating there's no SSRI that'll chemically clog this hurt
But my friends still stand beside me They're solitary statues saluting my salvation we live on our own planet of alienation and whenever I can't find the rocket fuel to propel myself from my own pit of despair they know not to say much, they know the importance of just being there
There will be no one supporting me my entire life I'm my own husband, lover, my wife I am the criminal being charged with crime I am the mouse in the clock moving the hands of time with that time, lessons yearn to be learned In this life, we all just want to be heard