It's not sadness anymore
It's shame
I thought that I could change things
That I could change things about myself
But people never change and I know that
I know that because at the tick of midnight he was nowhere to be found
And when I found him, his lips were pressed against someone else's lips
I'm the idiot
I was with him the night before
I know who he is and how he acts and I am at fault because people are incapable of change
This isn't sadness, it's shame
Shame in the failure that no one knows about
Shame in the fact that after 15 months, he still doesn't love me back
Shameful that although I believe I have become a better person, no one else has
I need to save me from myself before I **** up again
Things are ****** right now, despite the fact that 48 hours ago
I was happy and content and at peace for the first time in a long time
I wish that the first day of the new year hadn't ended the way it did
Because last year was treacherous and if tonight has set a precedent for the new year, I'm done
I will be done trying and fighting for the things and people I want