I'm standing naked in the shower and
blood is running down my legs and
the tiles are cold under my feet and
I start shivering harder and
I just want to crawl into my bed and
I won't because I don't want to leave bloodstains on the white sheets and
this is so familiar, like I've come full circle and
there was never anyway this could be avoided and
the burningstingingscreaming of my nerves reaches a crescendo and
it hurts so much and
it's all my fault and
I don't care and
I'm shuddering so forcefully I feel like my muscles will tear and
I look up at the mirror and
I see all the places where the redness of inflammation blooms upon my skin  and
there are so many they mask the cuts and
all I can see is the red and
my vision goes blurry and
my knees hit the freezing tiles of the bathroom floor and
I don't feel it, I don't feel anything and
I don't remember how to make my brain send signals to my muscles and
it's one a.m. and
I somehow have to stand up and
go to bed and
get up tomorrow.