I don't sit well with happy
uncomfortable like a scab needing picked
or the way I can't say I love you
it gnaws at my stomach painfully
it ***** with my mind relentlessly
and leaves me feeling sick
I seek out pain like a ******
one hit was too much a thousand not enough
pawning my soul piece by piece
burning my body when there's nothing left
begging to battered bruised and
ever searching for a stronger dose
I can't sleep unless I'm hurting
or strung out stupid or drunk or
******* up my future trapped inside my head
I can't help but pick at sutures
just to keep on bleeding every good emotion
I thought I ever had
my heart it keeps on beat beat beating
tattered torn and full of holes
despite my best efforts to fail and fall
my hands they won't stop shaking
until I'm all run down and barely breathing
just staring at the cracked flaking wall
eating myself alive one memory at a time
self cannibalizing every comforting thought
burning mental bridges and savoring the smell
I can't stop thinking about death
but that would only stop these feelings
clutching at my broken mind
wishing it were broken glass