I don't belong here and I don't mean this town I mean this earth I'm not quite made out to be human you know? if we were all created from a couple chemical reactions and a huge burst of light at some center of the universe I must be going home when I die and I want to go home I am homesick for a place I barely remember but it is nowhere here no point on a map I can put my finger on no road to get me there and you know I wouldn't be me without my sadness it's as a part of my like my arms are sadness is what makes me interesting and I think thats why no one ever notices how sad I am my mom didn't check off the box labeled depression when I went to the doctor the other day and I didn't have the heart to tell her sometimes I feel so sad I feel so sick but I'm laughing and every breath hurts me and oh how I want to go home but it makes me interesting makes me unique who I am not the sadness just what it makes me do I talk to people as if it's the last time I will see them a lot drive a little too fast I tried to commit suicide once and I never did I was pulled off a bridge screaming really I wanted to feel whole if only for a second before I hit the water but I'm not afraid anymore I think about dying a lot but I don't make solid plans or write letters and sometimes I still think about throwing myself off a bridge or in front of a car sometimes I write sentences, just single sentences to leave when I am gone and sometimes I want to write a suicide book and other times the only suicide note I need is your name but I don't because I made a promise to a boy that left me that I would stay the problem with being homesick is we are taught that eventually you go home anyway but
I'm not leaving
do I even write poems or is it just what I think in a slightly coherent rhythm?