To this day
I have lived 18 years and approximately
8 months
To this day
I have seen you live a separate life for as long
As 10 years and 8 months

To this day
I still remember that first time
I put on a shoe with wheels
I still remember being too short
To reach the freezer

I still remember crying
Because I was shouted at
I still remember crying
Because you hit me
I still remember crying
Because my neck hit the corner of the mini fridge

To this day
I don't recall an apology
I don't recall any form of redemption
I only remember you leaving
You packed up and left
You left

So forgive me
Had I been misled
But you left

Forgive me
For I had tried to forgive you
But I find you neither want it
Nor do you deserve it

Forgive me
For not being able to forget
For not wanting to know you
For feeling nothing
but a fleeting
sense
of
abandonment
Every time I see you

Forgive me
For being unable to put the past
Into a dark corner behind me
And for holding this against you

I had hoped that perhaps
I would finally forgive you
But it seems like
All you do
Is prove
That
You do not care
For trivial things
Like hurting your child
Emotionally, Mentally
Physically

Forever
And almost
Always