Dec 2013
Dad
You've been good to me
But I feel like nothing
Because you made me nothing when I was your puppet, when you tried to live your life through me
Dad
You're an ex-marine
But I didn't know that they taught marines
How to call their 4 year old children "babies", when asking you curious questions, when you said to shut up
Dad
You've been a police officer for 20 years
But I didn't know they taught police officers
How to tell their 14 year old boys they had a "distorted view of reality"
Dad
I still remember when you threw mom against the closet door
She showed me the bruise on her breast that was as big as a softball
I remember the fights you guys had and how you kicked the wall and stormed off in your car
Dad
I was like 4 years old when this happened, I could barely see over the window sill in our living room
But I can still remember exactly how it looked when you backed out and sped down the street
"Where's oppa going?", I asked my korean mother... ...all she did was throw me down and beat my bottom...
Dad
I was a sensitive child and believe it or not
Even though you and mom tried your best ...you didn't prepare me
You didn't prepare me to handle things...
To handle the kids who would push me around because I was smaller
To handle the other kids who pushed me because my face and skin looked different
To handle every time kids asked me if I knew karate when I was an innocent little 5 year old
To handle being spit on by any one of those kids
To handle love and relationships because you didn't teach me what love really was
To be able to deal with problems in life without freaking out or blaming myself, like when you would throw me in the floor or spank me until I peed my pants...
To be able to love the girl I wanted to spend my life with because even though I decided that I wouldn't do the kinds of things you did...I've ever known in life is what not to do, and when I tried something new, they were only slight variations of everything you did and now she's not coming back
I've ****** up my life now and you're finally mellowing out...
I wish you'd done so 18 years ago
Or maybe not been around
You've been good to me
But I feel like nothing
Because you made me nothing when I was your puppet, when you tried to live your life through me
Dad
You're an ex-marine
But I didn't know that they taught marines
How to call their 4 year old children "babies", when asking you curious questions, when you said to shut up
Dad
You've been a police officer for 20 years
But I didn't know they taught police officers
How to tell their 14 year old boys they had a "distorted view of reality"
Dad
I still remember when you threw mom against the closet door
She showed me the bruise on her breast that was as big as a softball
I remember the fights you guys had and how you kicked the wall and stormed off in your car
Dad
I was like 4 years old when this happened, I could barely see over the window sill in our living room
But I can still remember exactly how it looked when you backed out and sped down the street
"Where's oppa going?", I asked my korean mother... ...all she did was throw me down and beat my bottom...
Dad
I was a sensitive child and believe it or not
Even though you and mom tried your best ...you didn't prepare me
You didn't prepare me to handle things...
To handle the kids who would push me around because I was smaller
To handle the other kids who pushed me because my face and skin looked different
To handle every time kids asked me if I knew karate when I was an innocent little 5 year old
To handle being spit on by any one of those kids
To handle love and relationships because you didn't teach me what love really was
To be able to deal with problems in life without freaking out or blaming myself, like when you would throw me in the floor or spank me until I peed my pants...
To be able to love the girl I wanted to spend my life with because even though I decided that I wouldn't do the kinds of things you did...I've ever known in life is what not to do, and when I tried something new, they were only slight variations of everything you did and now she's not coming back
I've ****** up my life now and you're finally mellowing out...
I wish you'd done so 18 years ago
Or maybe not been around
"To my mother, to my father, it's your son, or, it's your daughter;"
"I sit here locked inside my head, remembering everything you said, the silence gets us nowhere, gets us nowhere, way too fast."
"The silence is what kills me, I need someone here to help me. But you don't know how to listen, and let me make my decisions..."
"All your insults, and your curses, make me feel like I'm not a person...and I feel like I am nothing, but you made me, so do something..."
"I'm f***ed up, because you are, need attention, attention you couldn't give-"
Excerpts from
Staind- "For You"
"I sit here locked inside my head, remembering everything you said, the silence gets us nowhere, gets us nowhere, way too fast."
"The silence is what kills me, I need someone here to help me. But you don't know how to listen, and let me make my decisions..."
"All your insults, and your curses, make me feel like I'm not a person...and I feel like I am nothing, but you made me, so do something..."
"I'm f***ed up, because you are, need attention, attention you couldn't give-"
Excerpts from
Staind- "For You"
