Plunging a blade
Into my chest cavity
To see if I would feel
When my ribs
Fail to protect my heart

Letting go of the wheel
On the winding road
To see if it I would feel
The glass
Splitting into millions of pieces
As my skin synchronized
With it
And did the same

Punching the wall
With my anxious fist
To see if I would feel
The moment of impact
As all five proximal phalanges
Burst away from my metacarpals

Crying hysterically
At the extremes I would go through
Just to know if any of it is even real
To know fear
To know pain
To know sorrow
To know any sort of emotion at all
And most of all
To know if I am faking all of it

Feeling forever lost
Confused
Mistaken?
Lost.

Definitely lost.

Lost in this unfortunate existence
Constantly questioning if I feel
What I feel
And never gathering any useful information
Always just more questions
Filled with wonder
But never with the emotion
Letting me know how I feel about any of it.
Just empty.