I needed to feel her next to me..The pumping of those warm veins and the beating of her exhausted heart. I felt this emptiness, this unsettling chaos in the cracks and holes of my being..It sat ever so restlessly on the brink of death and insanity, whispering taunting words into the tired positive side of my mind causing each piece of my heart to break further and further, deeper and deeper into insanity. I wasn't so sure of how much longer I could sit here with a synthetic smile on this bruised, rough face, just waiting for someone else to find me and rip me from the fists of insanity and put me back together again, someone who could resemble strength in every sense of the word and would know every aspect of the worth in my being..In my mind, I had told myself so many times that none could ever love me the way she had portrayed, the way she had done..and eventually my gullable heart began to believe it. There wasn't anyone else, how could there be when we are destined to only one true love? With each kiss and intricate touch, I felt this shock of aliveness and beauty, a feeling I never wished to forget, never dreamed to have lost..Somehow I found myself in that same cold, dark room wondering where she had went, wondering how could I have lived like this so long..keeping it comfortable not letting all of her in...I gave up so much for a love so strong, but I pushed her away and she began to wear thin. I broke her heart for what broke mine, not purposely, but in a way that not even my mind or heart was realizing...For all it was worth, I entrusted this broken heart to her, hoping she'd know exactly the remedy needed to mend what's been torn apart..and she did. Oh, honey believe me..she did. SHE was the remedy and I was the patient..When she left, she was my demise and I was her mourn.
When she gave up, when she walked away not daring to look back, she was afraid I'd see the tears in her eyes and grow weaker to the sound of her footsteps on the cold hard ground, gradually fading into the rain and fog. It broke my heart to watch her leave, she didn't want to, but it was for the best...and each night she tells me.."I'll see you again someday, my love..maybe not tomorrow, or today..but someday." and in that moment my heart cries, for a love that died..and I will never be the same.
Until she's home in these weakened arms, strengthening every aspect and complexity of my being, I will forever be naked, stripped of all sense and feeling...Until the day my love returns, I will stay home and wait for her.